Business Hours (in EST)
Monday: OFF
Tuesday: 11:30am-9:30pm
Wednesday: 2pm-10pm
Thursday: 11am-5pm; occasionally late streams after 9:30pm
Friday: 2pm-12am; occasionally late streams till 2am
Saturday: 2pm-5pm; promotional/freebie streams, times will occasionally change
Sunday: OFF

STREAM: OFF

             

Mature Content

 

*Any of the below categories can be done traditionally and mailed to you; please message me to inquire about pricing and availability.

 Headshot

• Sketch - $10

Full body (second price on each denotes couple pieces)

• Sketch - $20 /$35

Furc Portrait Painting - $30

Costume Design (comes on base; colored w/ basic cell shading) - $15 per

Custom World Maps - $150-$250

• Price depends on number of continents, level of detail wanted, custom aspects such as custom designed compass roses, parchment look, etc

• Please note, these require more one-on-one time with the commissioner, using either a streaming service or skype to have on the spot conversation

Watercolor Commissions (portrait only for now; shipping included)

• 6x8- $65
• 7x10 - $75
• 9x12 - $125
• 12x18 - $200

 *Don't see what you want here? Ask me!

1. Alluvial - Fullbody Sketch - PAID - FINISHED
   
2. motoyogi16 - Port Painting & Fullbody Sketch - PAID - FINISHED
3. snailgail - Fullbody Sketch - PAID - FINISHED
4. Tiufel - 2 Fullbody Couple Sketches - Unpaid - Sketching
5. MischiArt - TBD
6. Nicole via FB - Fullbody Sketch - Unpaid - In Queue
7. ferabird - Fullbody Couple - Unpaid - In Queue

I am most easily found and reached via twitter, so if you need me in a hurry, that would be the place to look!

Commissions | Terms of Service | Tumblr | Facebook | Etsy

I think it was a mistake to contact my family.  It was painful letting go, but things were getting easier.  I was slowly accepting everything.  When I contacted my mom, I hadn't expected an answer.  I hadn't expected a change and maybe I should have trusted my instincts, because I thought there was a change in those "I love you's," but I feel I have been fooled and gotten my hopes up too soon.  I was told he was no longer around my family, that they rarely see him anymore. 

Should I really be holding onto this ex-husband crap?  I think many people might tell me at a certain point, I have to let go of all of that, but what no one else truly understands is that no matter if he is a good person NOW, I will always have the memories I have and they will always hurt and trigger me.  I sincerely hope he turns into a better person, but he is with a new woman now and yet he still cannot leave my family alone.  He had the audacity to tell me I needed to be around my family and talk to them more because it is killing them, but why should he know that at all if he is not "part of the family?"  I am always told he didn't take my place, but when I see him still, after two years, listed as my mother's son, even over myself for a long time... when I see an ornament they made with everyone in the immediate household's names...including his and sans mine.  How do you take that? 

To not have even, at the very basic level, received an invitation for the wedding of my younger brother this past weekend?  Oh, that is right, HE was there, one of the groomsman in my brother's wedding.  And my mom tells me only a week before how bad she feels telling me it is best I probably not come to the wedding, because he is going to be there and she can't control my older brother who continually harassed me via every method he could only about a year ago until I stop talking to my family all together.  Why is it always up to me to be alone and stay away?  My mom told me that things would take Kyle and Carissa "some time" to get over?  What do THEY have to get over?  I have not done one thing wrong to any of them and I know Kyle doesn't like to get involved in things he isn't involved in personally, as cowardly as that is, when he could have HELPED his sister cope from abuse.  I kept them out of it and said little of it to keep them from having to deal with everything.  Carissa emailed me a year ago to tell me how I was giving them an "ultimatum" by saying I can't have Antoine around, it is hard for me, I am scared of him and hurt by him.  That I don't feel safe and that it is a trigger and my family should be here for me... apparently that is a horrible thing to ask of them and he is too hard a fucking manipulator to let go of.  The truth is, they took him over me.  When I was homeless, alone and starving, they didn't believe a word of it.  I had proof and it wasn't enough.  I lost 75lbs in three months, wasn't eating or sleeping, was in a shelter and alone.

And now my mom and I try to talk and she seems to honestly love me at some level, but I can't talk to her about the problems I now ahve and what I have been through without being talked over and made to feel I should just let it all go.  I just want support from the person who should have been supporting me all along.  I have severe ptsd and anxiety from everything that happened and while I hope it gets better (and I am now in therapy), it may always be a part of me.  I need them here, to talk to and if they just want to "wipe the slate clean" and sweep it all under the rug like they always did in the past, I can't have this relationship.  My hurt and pain is killing me.  I am becoming so full of social anxiety now because I struggle to feel as though anyone can truly understand me or that they want to understand me.  The truth is, I don't feel worth anything to anyone.  This abandonment has put me in a very dark place.

No one can truly understand what it is like to lose everything that matters.  Belongings, shelter and even food really don't matter in the end next to the people who are important in your life.  I have starved, I have slept in my car, had no blankets or warm clothing in winter.  I know what it is like to be so poor I can't even get to the government office to apply for something like food stamps because I have no money for gas, let alone a bus ticket and I am too proud to beg on the street.  When I left Wisconsin behind, I was looking back on a life I might never have again and the people who left me when I needed them most.  I drove away, in tears in my car, wanting nothing more than to die and only hoping for a few weeks before I would drive my car off a bridge.  I had a few belongings in boxes and my car, $300 in my pocket and the wind at my back.  I was empty, a shell of who I once was and it was the darkest place I have ever been.  How do you come back from that place?  I had nowhere to turn and no help.  I was as alone as a person can get with severe mental issues from all I had been put through.  I was terrified of trusting or opening up to anyone.  I still can't let the walls down completely.  Sure, I can talk about this stuff to others, but never with emotion, just with my thick wall and I hold back how I truly feel.  I am beginning to sense that I really don't feel anymore...at least very rarely.  Only Connor really sees it and a few others have only seen a hint of it.  Connor saved me from myself at the darkest hour of my life.  Instead of buying me flowers or something frivolous, he took me to the store to buy mitten, a scarf and hat to keep me warm, since I had so little.  I'd never had someone offer such a kind gesture before and it is one of those things I will never forget.  He pulled me back from the edge so many times when I wanted to die and was there with me in the hospital when I had to go.  

Even though my life is in the caring hands of an amazing man and his family now, it is hard for me not to come back to that time in my mind often.  That feeling of nothingness, of absolute loneliness.  I had been so close to suicide on more than one occasion and it was only by luck that my dog was there and stopped me.  I don't know if this is really worth opening up about here and for many, it may be more information than you want about my life...but lacking the people who were so important in my life, sometimes, writing about this in a journal seems to be the only real way I can cope with the trauma and heartache.

My loving husband has done everything to help me and wants to see me happy.  I want to be happy, but much of the time, I find it so difficult to turn off the white noise in my head, always reminding me of all the intense emotions I have been through these past few years.  Lately all I can think of or even handle is art, as opposed to much of my past where I would suffer from art block on an occasional basis.  Now my art is progressing and I am getting so much done, but the rest of my life is suffering.  I feel so much anxiety and difficulty feeling close to anyone.  Trying to make friends has been hard; I want friends, but I turn down so many things and have become a terrible recluse.  Even people I am typically comfortable with I never see.  I have my husband and that is it.  I am happy to have what I have, but I also have days where I cannot even connect to him, because my mind is turning and I am so overwhelmed by all the flashbacks and pain I am in.  He is so patient and tries everything he can to help me, but sometimes I feel so unworthy of the help, since currently, I can't even help myself. 

Sorry for all this...I just really needed to write this and let it out.

I am beginning to schedule my time a little differently so I can do a bit of my shop work and commissions at the same time, so commissions are on their way, but will be closer to the 3-4 days mark on turnover now.  Still not bad, but I need to fit in time to get my shop up and running so I can help my husband bring in more money.  Trades are on their way as well.  Just want you all to know where my head is at right now.  I may be taking a short break with trades and commissions for the next two days to do some painting and therapeutic work to hopefully get myself out of this depressive and lonely funk I have been in.  I will be around, but will be responding slower for a few days until I do some much needed self healing.